Oh my Sweet Summer Child…

… Winter is coming.

People who have only ever complained about the never ending winters have finally begun to wish for snow. Well, it seems winter has finally arrived in Winnipeg, Manitoba. On November 18th, late in the afternoon it began to snow covering the roads in a melty, icy sheen. This autumn has been an unusually mild on for the prairie province and the snow could be looked on as a welcome change covering the discoloured grass and leafless trees. However with the return of winter comes the struggle of driving. Winnipegers are notorious for forgetting how to drive in winter conditions, even with much of their year being winter conditions.

This evening there was a seventeen car pileup on Bishop Grandin Boulevard that is being blamed on the slippery conditions. Thankfully only one person suffered minor injuries with the others uninjured however this should serve as a reminder, we have to drive differently in winter!

Please be safe as you’re driving over the next few days! Winter is likely here to stay for a bit, we best knuckle down and get used to it.

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#GrecoClass

Instantaneous responses have always been the best way to respond to something.

Someone’s choking? Instantaneous response required.
Basketball coming at your face? Instantaneous response required.
Thought of a really good pun? Instantaneous response required. (Please say it aloud, spread the punjoyment with us all)
In a class with memorable moments and great quotes? Instantaneous response required.

Wait, what was that last one? How does one respond to memorable moments and great quotes? Smile and nod in appreciation? Well, there is another option. Live-tweet.

Today Dr Greco’s Communications & Media classes live-tweeted their days, which for the Writing for the Media students, meant beginning at 9:50am and seeing how long they could go in the marathon of twitter.

Live-tweeting is the idea of posting updates or quotes on twitter as they happen. This can often be organized for a certain event using a hashtag. This meant today, that if one were to follow #GrecoClass on twitter, one would have found reams of tweets from Communications & Media students as they discussed their class.

My father asked me today, what the point of this exercise was. I was tempted to say that is was to catch up to another staff member who said that at one point he tweeted around 50 tweets a day, but the core purpose I believe was practice in reporting. That is, practice in finding the key information and sharing it in a quick, concise, and engaging way. Twitter limits you to 140 characters, you have to be able to draw out and display the key points in very few words. There is an art to twitter! (I don’t believe I have it…)

Whether or not we were successful in the second suggestion I suppose is for our poor followers to decide, however we definitely succeeded in the first suggestion of beating #50TweetsaDay. I was able to hit this goal at around 1pm after just over three hours of tweeting. (Did I lose followers you ask? No, I gained one. How…?)

Instantaneous responding may be the best way to keep followers up to date with an event and to connect with other people participating in the same thing, however, through experience I have learned that it is not exactly conducive to taking thorough class notes…

Rebel Child

Today, I did it. I skipped class simply because I didn’t feel like going. I am now a rebel child.

I don’t think I’ve ever skipped a class just because, I’ve always been sick or had an appointment or something, but this morning I woke up felt more exhausted than when I went to bed and remembered that I hadn’t written a very good speech for my one class today and decided, meh, our lowest graded speech is cut from our grade anyway, I’ll just have my lowest grade be 0!

So I texted my ride, went back to bed, slept til noon and felt much better for it. And I even did something minorly productive! I cleaned the bathroom. So there!

Anywho, back to grand ol’ school tomorrow, I have three classes and no reason not to go sooooo…ah well. It was fun while it lasted!

-B

“Your Hands” by JJ Heller – Cover

I recorded this yesterday, but only got around to uploading it today. Cover of JJ Heller’s song, “Your Hands”

Lyrics:
I have unanswered prayers
Trouble I wish wasn’t there
And I have asked a thousand ways
That you would take my pain away
You would take my pain away

I am trying to understand
How to walk this weary land
Make straight the paths that crooked lie
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine

When my world is shaking, heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave your hands

When you walked upon the earth
You healed the broken, lost and hurt
I know you hate to see me cry
One day you will set all things right
Yeah, one day you will set all things right

When my world is shaking, heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave your hands

Your hands that shaped the world
Are holding me
They hold me still
Your hands that shaped the world
Are holding me
They hold me still

When my world is shaking, heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave your hands

Talk to you guys tomorrow!
-B

Me: Depression

I’ve probably said stuff like this before but earlier this year when I decided wasn’t going back to the university program I was in, I began to feel really excited for my future, like I just knew good stuff was gonna happen and it was coming and that’s a big deal.

Why is that a big deal? Well in the latter half of grade twelve and until after the new year after graduation I went through a period of what I can only call depression. I’m loathe to call it that because I know the connotations and the mentalities often paired with mental illness. I also know what I suffered was very light depression compared to what many people have to go through and for that I am grateful, but when you’re in it, when you’re in it, it does not feel “light”.

I don’t know what caused me to spiral down into where I landed part way through grade twelve but I suspect it was the fact that this was a last year and big changes were coming and I had no clue, literally no clue what I wanted to do. I am a person who craves structure (and with that often comes a need for control) and not knowing what was going to happen FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE freaked me out and as I went through the year still not knowing what I was doing and having nothing I could dig up peak my interest, I allowed myself to shut down.

Shut down? Well, often when emotions intimate me, I’ve allowed my mind to get into the habit of shutting them down. I push the problem out of the way and ignore it. This creates indifference (can’t see it, don’t need to bother with it. It’s no longer there), and then if it’s something important, when the deadline arrives, this method of coping results in a panic and if it’s bad enough, a full-fledged anxiety attack. I’ve only ever had three anxiety attacks that I can think of and I NEVER want to go through that again. The only way I can explain it is something explodes. The emotions that have been shut down and blocked out suddenly… pop. and everything explodes. Sound is extreme, light is extreme, people can’t talk-shouldn’t talk, there’s just sound and crying and panic and breathing, breathing is really loud and hard to do, and nothing makes sense and my mind stops registering anything and the worst thing you can EVER do if this is happening is ask me “what’s wrong?” I don’t know, that’s part of the problem, I just don’t know what’s going on. Something has become the last drop in the emotional pool to knock down the wall and all the hidden emotions are coming out.

That was a sidenote, sorry. (But seriously, the best thing you can do for someone having an anxiety attack, at least one like that, is just sit down and wait it out. Be there. Don’t talk, just be there. When they’re ready, they’ll talk. Don’t ask, don’t probe. Wait, and then listen. Once they’re done, think before you speak, if you are a person of faith, then you pray what God wants you to say then and there, because if that person just opened up to you that way they’re being extremely vulnerable and they’re are going to remember what you say and if you begin telling them what they’re feeling is wrong in any way, you’ve lost and they’re going to shut back down and think twice before opening up to you again. Be there and CARE)

Oh look, another sidenote. On a lighter note, depression… erm, uhh, nevermind.
So that year was hard because I shut down emotions and told next to no one what I was going through because I really didn’t understand it myself so how could I explain it to them and ask them to help me? To me I simply felt hopeless and indifferent all the freakin time and let me tell you, that is a crap way to live your life.
(In hindsight, just tell an adult you trust, they will be able to help. I mean I don’t know that from experience but I can imagine that’s a lot easier then suffering through it alone. At least then someone else knows and you don’t have to fake happy-and-normal with everyone)

I think what also allowed me to get so far down the spiral was that I stopped doing daily devotions and I stopped really pressing into God. I’ve heard a preacher say you can never stand still in your relationship with God. You’re either going forwards or you’re going back. I know I wasn’t going forwards in my relationship with God, so that means I spent a whole year backsliding and having pity parties. That’s a bad state of mind to be in. I don’t remember what happened but one day it was like something clicked and I realized “I don’t have to live like this…” and so I stopped.

I think that’s what makes many people doubt what I went through was real, the fact that it finished so fast, the fact that I could literally “snap” out of it. I am not saying, “get a grip, you can just snap out of it” to people. It was a mindset change. Like I said, something clicked. I don’t know what it was but in that moment it was like a little bit of hope came back. It didn’t have to be like this. This wasn’t all there was to life.

I never suffered suicidal thoughts but one thing I often prayed was “God, if this is life, it’s not worth it.” I’m not sure if I was accusing him, or just letting him know that’s how I felt, but I still agree with the statement, if that was life it wasn’t worth it. Thankfully, that’s not life.

The last year has been tough. I’m still getting back to where I was with God before it all happened and I’ve still never talked to anyone expect a couple friends (actually, maybe only one…) in this much detail about that year, so sometimes I think I’m trying to do it too much on my own but I still have a very hard time opening up to people (seriously, posting this is tough but telling it to someone in person… I mean I don’t want to say impossible, but…). I’m relearning how to read my Bible. I’m trying to get that foundation because I want it so bad. I want there to be a God who wants to have a relationship with me, I want to know him, I want there to be hope, I want there to be salvation. I need it. I don’t just want it, I NEED it, because life without that, it isn’t worth it. It just feels empty and hollow and bleak. Very bleak…

So I’ve been excited and hopeful for what’s to come for the first time in a long time and a few months ago it was decided that my church was going to restart and revamp it’s post-secondary Bible school from when I was a kid and as soon as I heard that I knew, yes, that was what my next year was going to be. It was going to happen if it happened based on my desperate prayers alone and I was the only student. And it’s happening guys, it’s happening and I’m really excited. I’m going to be getting theological training, and mentorship, and church ministry practicum, and I’m going to learn so much and grow so much in my relationship with God and I can’t wait! I know it’s going to be frightening and I’m going to have to learn to open up to people and I’m going to have to let go of a lot of control problems but I’m, well not ready, but I’m waiting in anticipation and I’m probably as ready as I’ll ever be!

I’m excited. I’m really excited that I AM excited. This is new. This is a new beginning, and it’s going to be good.

-Becky.

Some of my "textbooks" for school this year

Some of my “textbooks” for school this year

YOWWZA

Today I tried waxing my legs for the first time. HOKEY FUUUUURICK! SHITALKINGMUSHROOMS! motherfathersisterbrotherYOWWZA!!!! WHYYYYYY do people do that!!

In other news, I’m going to be away for a week for a friends’ wedding out of town and I do not know if I shall have internet soooo, I will write posts, but they may not arrive up here until I get back home next week.

I shall miss you all terribly.
-B