The Need of Internet

I don’t need the Internet anymore.

Now there are a couple things in this sentence you could confront me on, first, need – who needs the Internet? But also anymore – so I did need it then? And what changed?

I’m reading a book for my Media and Society class right now called The Digital Invasion: How Technology is Shaping You and Your Relationships and it’s sort of freaking me out a tad but I think I’m also learning lots. It talks about Internet addiction and how it affects our brains and how we function and how it changes our relationships (for better and for worse, it’s not a doomsday book, they acknowledge that there are benefits!) but it’s making me consider how much I use the Internet and social media and why.

I began using the Internet more and more starting from around age seventeen. A friend introduced me to the vlogger (video-blogger) side of Youtube and within a few months I was vlogging myself. At this time I was in grade twelve and slowly giving into minor depression as I grew increasingly afraid of my unknown future and saw my friends all drifting into the great unknown. I felt that I was losing my friends, didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life, didn’t like my part time job at a grocery store post-grad (I would “entertain” myself by seeing how far into a shift I could get without talking to someone. I clearly wasn’t a cashier!) and wasn’t pushing into God and building my faith thus allowing that to drift away too. I was lonely.

And the Internet, oh the Internet! The Internet helped me find friends, find friends fast and who had common interests and fun hobbies. I had Facebook, and now Youtube, next was Twitter and Tumblr, more and more ways to connect with my new friends. Now I’m not bashing this because it actually served a purpose in where I was at because as I somewhat dissolved into “living in” the Internet, it also helped bring me back out. I went to a convention in California, meeting friends I’d only previously known online. I’ve since gone on a second trip to DisneyWorld with them. I began organizing meet ups in Winnipeg a couple times a year for other people who were fans of some of the same Youtubers as I was.

"Nerdfighter" meet-up 2012

“Winnipeg Nerdfighter” meet-up 2012

"Nerdfighter" meet-up 2013

“Winnipeg Nerdfighter” meet-up 2013

The Internet sucked me in, yes. I became too reliant on it, yes. But it also helped me grow, a lot. I planned my portion of two trips out of the country and then travelled there alone. I organized meet-ups with people I’d never met before and spent time getting to know them. As I found solace online I began to gain more confidence in my real life outside of the Internet. I made friends with coworkers, I reconnected with high school friends, I figured out what I wanted to do with my life. As I gained a few subscribers on Youtube I began to value my voice and think about what I was saying more and through vlogging I actually developed an interest and some practical skill in video making, an aspect of what I hope my future career will involve.

Lately the Internet hasn’t been very fulfilling though. It’s no longer serving the purpose it once did and I think perhaps I’ve outgrown it. It’s not that I don’t value the friendships I made while regularly vlogging or even regularly watching Youtube videos – I do, very much, I would consider many of them to now be friends, but I no longer solely need the Internet to feel that I am connecting with people and being heard. I begin to find it tiresome, Internet connections cannot interact the same way as people in real life. I have friends and hobbies and goals and a life that extends past the limitations of my laptop and my wifi. I can appreciate the ability to stay connected using social media and the like, but I prefer to see friends in person and actually go out and to things and build relationships in that sense. And that’s a big change for me. There was a time when I would Facebook message you instead of trying to get together in person. Now, well… now I’ll do both 😉

I suppose over the last five years I’ve been able to mature and get to know myself better. I’ve experienced life online, and it’s fun for a time and serves its purpose, but I’ve discovered it’s crucially important to maintain a solid foundation in the real world. To be able connect with people in person is something that cannot be replaced and it is only through the challenges and bumps that we face along the road that we can grow, and those are rarely found within the safe walls we build up for ourselves online. Online is a place to hide from challenges and bumps, however, in the sage words of The Sound of Music‘s Reverend Mother, “These walls were not built to shut out problems. You have to face them. You have to live the life you were born to live.”

-B

Advertisements

Pricking Fingers, Saving Lives

Nearly five litres of it flows through your body at all times, it transports oxygen, regulates your body temperature, and keeps our immune systems running properly, and the loss of just 30% or more of it can have dire results. Blood is crucial to our existence, which is why blood donors are so important.

Today at my university the Canadian Blood Services came in to run blood type testing for students and faculty. I am frightened of needles. One might say I am terrified of needles. I usually faint when a needle punctures my skin. However, as someone who has had at least two close friends and family members who’s lives were saved by blood transfusions I know the importance of them. Even if I wasn’t prepared to donate blood right away or maybe never go in to donate to a blood bank, knowing what blood type you are means that you know if you can donate blood if a loved one requires it at short notice.

So with my friends beside me I dug up my courage and had a blood type test. Got a little shaky but managed to stay conscious. Turns out I’m A+, a true overachiever in everything.

Stretched

I’m old, Gandalf. I know I don’t look it, but I’m beginning to feel it in my heart. I feel… thin. Sort of stretched, like… butter scraped over too much bread. I need a holiday. A very long holiday.

– Bilbo Baggins, The Fellowship of the Ring

-B

Days off: PLURAL?

It feels kinda weird this weekend. I have the whole weekend off! I mean Friday is my usual day off but during the summer my boss tries to get us each a couple weekends off in case we what go to the beach or something I guess so I got Friday, Saturday, and Sunday off this weekend!! I don’t know what to do with myself! Today I cleaned the bathroom, got mum to buy some magic erasers and scrubbed the bathtub! I’m so used to cleaning at work now, I guess I need a cleaning “fix” (Don’t get any ideas Mum!!)

Anywho, spent the rest of the day painting my nails, watching Dr Who and eating ice cream so not exactly a thrilling day off, but suits me down to a T!

Talk to you tomorrow!
-B

Naptime!

Today I got home from work and read 13 Little Blue Envelopes by Maureen Johnson. It was a good book and I enjoyed it but I didn’t find myself enthralled by it as I’ve been but other books before now. I’m going to try the second one tomorrow and see if I enjoy it more. I still really liked the book and would recommend it to someone, I just wouldn’t say it’s in my top five.

Another reason for that may be that I’ve been exhausted lately. I’ve kinda been staying up too late and then having to wake up early for work and so today after I finished the book, I curled up on the couch and fell asleep for almost two hours. I don’t remember the last time I’ve had a “nap”. Probably the last time I got really sick which was probably over a year ago…

Anyway, I’m going to bed now BEFORE midnight! Go me right! (can I get some applause here?!) So I’m scheduling this upload and crashing.

Schedule.

Crashing.

Talk to you tomorrow!
-B