It’s Certain Now

I’m graduating.

Some of you may know that my graduation ceremony happened over three weeks ago and be thinking, yes, yes we know, you actually already graduated, is it only now clicking?

Well I walked across the stage, shook the hand of the President of the university and was given a diploma holder, but three weeks ago it wasn’t certain I was going to graduate.

Now realistically it probably was certain based on where I was going into exams, but to be really, really literal, our final grades weren’t in yet so we had no way of knowing and I had one class, this oneeee classssss that was worrying me a bit.

You see it was an ethics course, Ethics in the Marketplace, and while a business course it was also branched under philosophy and the last philosophy class that I faced off with nearly got me. I just scraped through that one with a D and I honestly don’t know how I even managed that. It was required for my minor and heading in I didn’t know it was philosophy. The methods and arguments all seemed so confusing and it being an 8:30am class probably didn’t help a whole lot either. When I sat down in my first Ethics class in January, a required course for my major, and found out it was a philosophy course my heart sank. And then, to top it all off, 20% of our grade was reliant on participation. My last philosophy course had gone badly and I’d never taken a business course; I felt at rather a disadvantage.

A few weeks in, time comes round for the first assignment to be due and the instructions were a bit vague so I did my best and waited to see what my mark would be. The day the assignments were being handed back I logged online to peek at my mark before the papers came round and was floored to see I had a 0. 0%? How can you even get 0% if you handed anything, like literally anything, in?!

After class I went up to the prof because my paper hadn’t even been handed back and he was like, “Oh yeah, did I forget your email in my inbox? Whoops! I’ll get that to ya as soon as I can!” (Super chill guy, probably my second favourite prof throughout university. Has like flowing, shoulder-length, ringletted, white hair and a double piercing in one ear in which he always has a set of two hoop earrings. I say he’s the retired pirate prof)

So next class, before it starts, he comes and stands in front of me and says, “So we have a problem.” My stomach drops and I’m nearly panicking, did I do it completely wrong? Did I misunderstand everything? Am I going to fail? Am I not going to graduate? Am I going to have to stay another year for this one course? Whyyyyy crueeeeel worldddddddddddd…. Etc.

“Your assignment is really good! You need to speak up more in class!” Relief could have melted me onto the floor in that moment. And while the class did end up being one of my favourites overall it was still very challenging. I always felt like I was uncertain in what I was doing and yet my marks usually implied I was doing alright so the exam was going to be the final test (like, literally, cause it was the last test, but like it also determined like everythi-you get it, it’s a bad pun :P)

Realistically I could have gotten 0 on the exam and passed the course, not well! But passed. Well, my mark was entered into the system two days ago. I done good guys… I done good.

I’m graduating.

Having- wait, PATIENCE!?

I have trouble being patient, especially when someone is doing something and I feel that I could be doing it better or quicker, or, if only they did it my way, it would be working better. I’m also blessed with being able to pick new things up quite quickly which has been very useful at jobs because I’ve gotten fairly efficient at things within short amounts of time (such as memorizing the entire layout of a grocery store within two weeks of starting work there). This is great for me, but it means I have a hard time understanding why other people can’t do this.

I like to think that I know pretty much all there is to know about many things. I’m a know-it-all. In fact I feel that the way Professor McGonagall describes herself in a quote from A Very Potter Senior Year, describes me quite well too, “I consider myself to be a very reasonable uptight b***h.”

I find my patience tested daily to do with dealing with people being less efficient than I feel I would be in the same situation. Today it was a coworker at work who has similar work-ethic to my 15 year old brother. He did as little as possible, as slowly as possible, yet came out feeling as though he’d saved the world from certain disaster and had been crowned it’s king, yet was still under appreciated. This drives me bonkers; you can’t just say “I didn’t have time” when you know you did! Thing is, I’m not sure he realized he did have time. It’s kind of frustrating when someone buys into their own misguided delusions and then blames you doing your job as the reason the were incapable of completing their’s because no, just no. I feel slightly justified in this kind of impatience because the person causing it (for the most part) really ought to know better! What I do need to work on in this aspect is how I deal with my impatience, I tend to stray from being “very reasonable” to being simply an “uptight b***h” and that isn’t exactly a good way to get someone to improve their work-ethic!

I also find myself getting easily impatient with people who have a hard time picking up new things. This is one of the many reasons I would not make a good teacher! I am able to act like I’m oober patient while helping them but when I’m done I tend to go full on martyr because I’m obviously so much smarter than this person why should I even have to waste my time, I mean really, don’t we have minions to do things like this? This is one I need to crack done on hard. Just because I can doesn’t mean everyone can, and just because I can’t doesn’t mean no one can. I am not the be-all, end-all (thank goodness!!) Sometimes I find myself thinking scratching my eyes out might be fun when people ask me to explain the same basic thing over and over and over, but other times I can be in a really good mood and am all “Ooh I can help them, I am more knowledgable than them, I can pass on my vast knowledge to this poor uneducated little person…”. Neither of these methods are very good for being patient and I feel like I need a little gnome or something to follow me around and physically rap my knuckles when I’m getting prissy so that I get jolted back into reality.

The last place I find myself getting impatient, is the most standard impatience. Waiting. I am DOG-GONE AWFUL at waiting. Waiting for buses, waiting for rides, waiting for certain events to arrive. I am SOOOO BAD! I find myself feeling that physical anger you sometimes feel in your chest where it gets all tight and you’re just full of this anger because why is this happening to you of all people!? when I’m waiting for the bus. I mean really? Or when I’m waiting for a parent to pick me up after work (because I can’t drive, we only have one car, and the bus routes near my house are all but non-existant).

I just need to chill out sometimes and realize life is not about getting places as fast as possible. I mean, ask my friends, I walk like a machine! I’m kinda proud but also slightly concerned that I can walk a forty minutes circuit around my neighbourhood in twenty-five without slowing my pace. And that’s my “normal” walking pace. My coworkers joke that I always walk like I’m on a mission. I need to learn to stop, slowdown, and smell the daisies… and none of this excuses me being impatient, impatience is not a good thing in any situation, in fact when I get impatient about something I find it kinda ruins my whole day, I just see everything tinted with ugly and angry and I find myself allowing my day to get ruined because my bus was running a couple minutes behind because of this, like, blizzard or something that happened the night before because obviously buses should be super-vehicles that are not slowed by any of the elements! Impatience makes me unreasonable and I don’t appreciate it.

Message for myself next time I’m being impatient:

Calm the crazy down!
Calm the crazy down!