This Is It.

Heyyyyyy friend! It’s been, let’s see now, well, umm, it’s been a while hasn’t it? Nearly five months?! Sheesh, my bad… So how ya been?

Summarizing the last five months could be tricky, lets see, I did keep cooking a bit, I know the posts dropped off at “E” but I made chicken broccoli noodle thing (F), pretzel buns with cream cheese icing dip (G), and Sloppy Joe Mac & Cheese (H) and maybe some other stuff but I don’t remember. I’m going to try and get back into weekly cooking, still ironing out my back-to-school schedule though.

But the summer was great! Mostly worked, but did get to take a trip to BC with mah boyfriend Ryan to visit with family and adventure down there for a bit! If you’d like to see some of what we did I did put together a video shortly after the trip

And since then school has started up again! Well for me, Ryan’s a fancy graduate with a grown-up job and everything (he’s my inspiration for what to be like next year, you see!). I am in my last year of school. It’s weird. I remember my last year of high school, it was exciting and incredibly nerve-racking all at once. There’s the excitement of moving on but also the emptiness of what is going to happen next, it feels like everything is so unknown. I’m getting feeling like that again now. This is my fourth year in university, I have the year mapped out until April when I wear the gown and funny cap and get handed a piece of paper and then I have absolutely no idea and when I start to think about that, it terrifies me. I feel so unprepared and inadequate.

Now I’m not saying that school has let me down and not taught me what I needed, I hope it has, but I am not confident that I’ll find a job, I’m not confident there will be a job, I worry I’ll be working 34.5 hours a week in a minimum wage job forever because why would someone chose me over someone else? I realize my instinct here is to say, “I wouldn’t.” and that makes me sad. Why wouldn’t I chose me? What’s wrong with me?

The other day my alarm went off and I opened my eyes after a night of tossing and turning. I couldn’t have gotten more than two hours “sleep” all night – the start of a terrible day, no? But a thought popped into my head. My boyfriend (who is a very smart man) has three things he tries to do (or would it be, be? Grammar… :P), Be optimistic, be patient, and no complaining. So I turned off that alarm and I took a breath and I decided, this is my day. No one can ruin it but me, and I say it’s my day and it’ll be just fine. And you know what, it was. It was very nearly a pretty good day actually.

So this is my year. I’ll try and blog bits and pieces of it but I know already it’ll be busy as heck so I don’t know how often I’ll pop in. I wrote out a list of all my assignments and due dates and oooh baby, this’ll be fun! But it’s my year, it’s going to happen. There will be no repeats of grade 12’s downward spiral to capital “B” Bad Times, these are sure gonna be some capital “B” Busy Times, but capital “G” Good Times too. We got dis, got a team of great folks to support and be supported by and we’re gonna do some cool stuff this year 🙂

– B

PS – I went exploring in the woods behind my university the other day. That was fun.

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Mayday, Carpool Down!

I commute to school. Now commuting has benefits, I get to have a forty minutes adjustments period to allow my mind to slowly realize it’s awake and needing to function before actually being in class. I can study in the car. I can socialize with my friends. However, there are some downfalls when it comes to carpooling. If the driver is down, chances are the carpool is too, and if you don’t go to school in the same city, other modes of transport aren’t really an option.

Carpoolers rely as much on each other as they do on their vehicles. By saving the environment one less car at a time, they strengthen their bond of trust that they have each others’ backs, that they’ll get to school on time for their classes.

Turns out I have an unplanned day off tomorrow. Good thing I already brought home my textbooks to study for my midterm on Friday.

And I’ll Still be Fine

I read a quote today that said, “Confidence is not ‘they will like me’ Confidence is ‘I’ll be fine if they don’t.” and it struck me.

I think of myself as a fairly confident person and would adamantly deny doing something to make someone else like me, but I still crave affirmation. I’ve discovered there’s a underlying self doubt that creeps in if I find myself overlooked or put aside. Earlier this year I made a video in which I posed the question, “Does the speed of a reply show how much someone cares?“. The answer was, of course, no.

I don’t do things hoping people will like me more, changing who I am for them. What I do struggle with is knowing that I’ll be fine if they don’t. If I don’t change and then they don’t like me, I can often see it as me being somehow wrong in who I am. I’ve gotten to the point where that doesn’t make me change, but it still hurts.

Some people I meet in life will like me, we’ll be friends, we’ll be more. Some people I meet in life may not like me, and I’ll still be fine if they don’t.

The Quest for Something “Interesting”

Jules looks up as four Writing for the Media (WFM) students walk into the Collegium armed with notebooks, pens, and laptops.

“Don’t you guys have class?”, somebody asks.

“We have to observe and write about something interesting.”  a WFM student replies.

“Well, lets do something interesting!”

Jules leaps out of the large, brown armchair he’s been sitting in and runs over to the bookcase – a tall narrow case containing a hodgepodge of books, games, small musical instruments, and lego. The collegium is typically a commuters-only space, reserved for those who travel to school and sometimes have long breaks to wait between classes. For a small fee, commuters gain access to a closed common room, complete with a kitchenette, cosy armchairs, and “the Beast” – a stand-up sound system fresh out of the 90’s, if not the 80’s.

Having found what he was searching for Jules emerges from the bookcase, grabs something off of the table in the kitchenette and marches across the long room. A few of the other commuters turn their heads to watch while the WFM students trail along taking notes.

On the air hockey table the two long metal strips grabbed from the table now form a barrier across the middle, a couple of inches high. Connor and Jules each pick up a air hockey paddle and Jules reveals his prize from the bookshelf: a ping-pong ball. They have created a makeshift ping-pong table.

One of the traits of a commuter is ingenuity. When you aren’t at home, you must make do with what you have. Markers do where highlighters are missing, lockers serve as home bases containing textbooks too heavy to make the commute every day, and air hockey tables aren’t just for air hockey.

“This is working surprisingly well!” Connor observes.

By now Teah has remembered that she needs to be taking pictures of commuters today for the commuter wall. Their goal is to get a picture of everyone paired with their name to help all the commuters get to know each other. As not all commuters are around at the same times, sometimes it can be hard for them to connect in the same way dorm students are able to. There are no common meal times and not all commuters can make it all the way out to school for evening events. Something as simple as posting pictures with names can help a lot in connecting commuters.

Teah grabs her camera from one of the lockers and calls Connor, the commuter Student Council representative, to come have his picture taken. He poses, making a face, and then comes to look at it in the viewfinder.

“No, it needs to be sleazier.”

He poses again, leering out from under the brim of his hat. This is the face that will welcome new commuters to the Collegium. After he is satisfied with his pose, Teah moves onto the next commuter on her list and Connor and Jules return to the populated side of the Collegium.

“Was that interesting enough?” Jules asks.

There’s always some time for fun and games in the Collegium, but the next class starts soon and there are readings to finish and books to be collected. WFM students close their books and computers. Commuters just arriving pop bag lunches into the fridge, sending a wave into the room as they head to their first class. The school may always be one big community, but the Collegium has an added life of its own.

Learning to Grow

Two things today:

I’m learning to pray, “Not what I think Lord, but what you know.”

And I’m taking encouragement from Psalm 32:8, “I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my eye upon you.”

-B

It’s not me…

Today I wrote a paper proposal for my major paper in my Introduction to Communications and Media class.

It was obviously a very productive session.
-B

The Actor In Me

And now for your weekly The-Actor-In-Me update!

Today was a drama filled day (pun completely and utterly meant). The afternoon was our memory test for the play that I’m in. Now having only ever been in a drama club, we never had a memory test before we started blocking, we always were blocking as we memorized. I see benefits to both for sure, but this being a new experience I was a little nervous. I may have definitely sacrificed my midterm grade in another class focusing on memorizing scripts instead of studying enough but I think I can pull the grade back up in the rest of the term.

So we did the memory test. I think I did pretty well, I definitely need to polish it a lot more, but I have most of it down pretty well. After the memory test we got into blocking. In past plays I’ve been in the director has always just told us where they want us to be, what motions they want us to do, how they want us to stand. In this play we have much more creative licsense. I’m feeling a bit like a bird who grew up locked in a cage and now isn’t sure how to leave the cage even though the door is open. I get to have a major say in how my character acts! I get to choose (to then be director-approved of course) how my character is moving and behaving. It’s a creative freedom I’ve never had so I’m a little shy in acting on it… I think I’ll be able to get bolder as I get used to the idea. It’s gonna be a really fun play though, in blocking today I was loudly and rather shrilly yelling/talking/something right in someones face. Like literally inches from face so that was rather new, kinda fun!

Then this evening in my actual acting class we performed our autodramas. We had to write the five minute autodramas ourselves (of course, hense the auto-) and then perform them for the class using whatever props and stuff we needed. Mine was about how the song “Do You Hear What I Hear?” has effected my public speaking/performance abilities. I like to think it was a bit amusing… I may make a video of it in the semi-near future as I haven’t made a video in over a month and I already have it memorized. We’ll see. Maybe I’ll wait til I get my mark back ;D

It was really fun to see everyone else’s autodramas too though, some people were super personal about heavier stuff and some people got more into light-hearted fun stuff, but everyone’s was super good! I like this class.

Talk to you tomorrow!
-B