This Is It.

Heyyyyyy friend! It’s been, let’s see now, well, umm, it’s been a while hasn’t it? Nearly five months?! Sheesh, my bad… So how ya been?

Summarizing the last five months could be tricky, lets see, I did keep cooking a bit, I know the posts dropped off at “E” but I made chicken broccoli noodle thing (F), pretzel buns with cream cheese icing dip (G), and Sloppy Joe Mac & Cheese (H) and maybe some other stuff but I don’t remember. I’m going to try and get back into weekly cooking, still ironing out my back-to-school schedule though.

But the summer was great! Mostly worked, but did get to take a trip to BC with mah boyfriend Ryan to visit with family and adventure down there for a bit! If you’d like to see some of what we did I did put together a video shortly after the trip

And since then school has started up again! Well for me, Ryan’s a fancy graduate with a grown-up job and everything (he’s my inspiration for what to be like next year, you see!). I am in my last year of school. It’s weird. I remember my last year of high school, it was exciting and incredibly nerve-racking all at once. There’s the excitement of moving on but also the emptiness of what is going to happen next, it feels like everything is so unknown. I’m getting feeling like that again now. This is my fourth year in university, I have the year mapped out until April when I wear the gown and funny cap and get handed a piece of paper and then I have absolutely no idea and when I start to think about that, it terrifies me. I feel so unprepared and inadequate.

Now I’m not saying that school has let me down and not taught me what I needed, I hope it has, but I am not confident that I’ll find a job, I’m not confident there will be a job, I worry I’ll be working 34.5 hours a week in a minimum wage job forever because why would someone chose me over someone else? I realize my instinct here is to say, “I wouldn’t.” and that makes me sad. Why wouldn’t I chose me? What’s wrong with me?

The other day my alarm went off and I opened my eyes after a night of tossing and turning. I couldn’t have gotten more than two hours “sleep” all night – the start of a terrible day, no? But a thought popped into my head. My boyfriend (who is a very smart man) has three things he tries to do (or would it be, be? Grammar… :P), Be optimistic, be patient, and no complaining. So I turned off that alarm and I took a breath and I decided, this is my day. No one can ruin it but me, and I say it’s my day and it’ll be just fine. And you know what, it was. It was very nearly a pretty good day actually.

So this is my year. I’ll try and blog bits and pieces of it but I know already it’ll be busy as heck so I don’t know how often I’ll pop in. I wrote out a list of all my assignments and due dates and oooh baby, this’ll be fun! But it’s my year, it’s going to happen. There will be no repeats of grade 12’s downward spiral to capital “B” Bad Times, these are sure gonna be some capital “B” Busy Times, but capital “G” Good Times too. We got dis, got a team of great folks to support and be supported by and we’re gonna do some cool stuff this year 🙂

– B

PS – I went exploring in the woods behind my university the other day. That was fun.

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The Hunt

Today we had the afternoon off for personal study time and while we did get a significant amount of studying done we also found time to hunt down the nearest 7-11.

Now this is Winnipeg. We have a 7-11 practically every two blocks, our province has been the slurpee capital of the world for fourteen years running and 7-11s sell an average of 188,833 slurpees each month. And, yes, that does include the months that are -40C…

Anyway we had to find the nearest Sev, these things are important. They sell slurpees, extremely overpriced snacks, slurpees, bus tickets, and slurpees. I mean, where else do you really need to shop? We found one about five-ten minutes walk away though so we’re good
*breathes sigh of relief while drinking slurpee*

So, armed with a bag of chips (now half empty), a slurpee (that was drunk), a number of chocolate bars (the number has already halved…), and a monthly bus pass, I am ready for day 3 of school tomorrow.

-B

(Days left of being a teenager: 21)

Fitting Stuff In

I do not like rearranging furniture.

Well, I like rearranging it, I just don’t like all the cleaning and tidying that goes with moving things, and the physical fitting of things into spots. That’s not fun either.

I could be Amy Adams’ character in Leap Year and arrange people’s houses to sell them, because she has people to do all the moving and cleaning for her, she just says where to put stuff. I could do that.

-B

I Am Me.

My sister is graduating high school this week. It’s making me feel kind of old. I’ve been out of high school two years and I’ve got pretty much nothing to show for it but experience.

But you know, I think it’s worth it. I travelled without my parents and kind of settled into myself a bit. I went to a public university after having been in a private school for twelve years. I mean, sure I’ve now dropped out of that program but I now know what to expect from being in a larger building, more people, a wider variety of people, different classes, many more opinions and views. I feel like I was thrown abruptly into the world upon graduation and through the last two years I’ve finally found my feet a bit.

I started my first proper jobs. I got asked out by a coworker. Twice. I said no to going out with a coworker. Twice. (I’ve discovered that stereotypically coworkers who ask me out are kind of weird-creepyish people). I’ve learned how to get into good work habits and strengthen my work ethic (which I like to think has always been quite good). I’ve always stayed on good terms with my bosses. I’ve asked for a promotion. I got promoted.

I’ve made friends with people outside of my immediate circle of acquaintances. I’ve kept vlogging. I’ve found interests that suit me much better than what I’d always thought I enjoyed. New television shows, movies, books, hair colours. (Well, not hair colours. I always knew I wanted red hair. As an elementary student I would doodle myself with red hair, so I’ve kind of fulfilled a life-long dream by dying it I suppose). I’m preparing to travel to LA in a month to attend a conference and hang out with people I’ve never technically “met” but feel like I know. (Don’t worry, much less creepy and potential stalker-serial killer than it sounds!)

I no longer having a problem with being a nerd or a geek. I love being a nerd/geek/quirky-person/weirdo. People attach those names to me and I don’t see it as an insult, it’s not, it’s freeing, I don’t have to worry about whatever it is that makes you feel like you have to be constrained to “like” things in the “socially acceptable” way. I can full on nerd-out about things, I can be unapologetically enthusiastic about what I enjoy. To use a quote from one of my favourite authors, John Green:


I was talking to my mum because we were prepping for a family-celebration-BBQ thing for my sisters grad and I was saying I never got a party like this for my grad, and I never got a manicure like my sister’s getting and my mum said, well you had the options to but you said no. You weren’t into that stuff then. And I realized, yeah only two years ago I was the girl who wore box shits, Converse, no make-up and felt the need to prove myself to the world, often by holding it at an arms length. By wearing my fandom t-shirts I wasn’t wearing something I liked, I was trying to make a louder statement, to get noticed while saying I didn’t care. I was saying, Hey, here I am. This is me, this t-shirt, this represents me!

I don’t have to do that anymore. In this year, like I said, I’ve found my feet a bit and I’ve grown in self-confidence. I no longer feel the need to prove myself to the world. I’m me and me will end up being whoever I want me to be. I can wear a box shirt, no make-up, and Converse one day, and the next day curl my hair, put on a dress, do my makeup all pretty and go about in heels and both of those are equally “me”. I can wear my fandom shirts because I like them, who cares if someone notices, who cares if someone thinks I’m weird. I think it’s a cool looking top and most importantly:


Not any random person who walked by understood that reference, I, I understood that reference and I liked the shirt. I’m no longer trying to impress to feel accepted. I am accepted by those who are important to me, and if someone doesn’t like me, well then in the end, that’s their problem.

I’ve come to the point where I feel like I can make my own decisions in my life, with guidance and advice from “the trusted council of advisors” of course! But in the end I feel like I will make my own decision and not let anyone make it for me.

I am me and me is whoever God wants me to be and I make me be and I will be no one if I don’t make myself.

Talk to you tomorrow!
-B

England

Exactly one year ago today as a mere babe of 18, I was heading to England for the first time since I was three months old. I went with my grandparents and it was the first big trip I ever made without my “mummy” and “daddy” with me. I got on a plane at the Winnipeg Airport and flew to Toronto for a nice four hour layover. Insert airport crazy picture here:

Crazy eyes in the Toronto airport... waiting.... waiting... Why didn't I just get a TARDIS?  Doctor, you're late! =D

Crazy eyes in the Toronto airport… waiting…. waiting… Why didn’t I just get a TARDIS? Doctor, you’re late! =D

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Yes, that is the original photo caption from when I uploaded it to facebook.

We then flew across the Atlantic Ocean to England, the motherland! I had always dreamed of travelling to England and I knew that having my grandparents with me would make the trip even better because they grew up in England and know the sites. To say I was excited would be an understatement. Leading up to the trip, however, I had not been so thrilled, in fact I would say that the decision to take the three-week trip was probably the hardest decision I’ve ever made but it was also one of the best.

Late 2010, when I was beginning my last year of high school I had a bright idea. My grandparents had always said that they would love to take their grandchildren to England one day but were not sure how that could be worked out. As I began to think about what I’d do after high school I realized if I took a year off and worked then I would be able to afford both my university tuition and a trip to England, so I proposed my plan to my parents and grandparents and they were all for it. I spent the rest of grade 12 happily telling people I was taking a year off school to work and go to England. After graduation I got two part-time jobs and began working in earnest, always with the goal of saving for England in mind, however as December 2011 began to draw to a close, the pressure was on to buy plane tickets. I had to make a concrete decision on whether to go to England or not.

I was conflicted: I desperately wanted to travel to England; I had wanted to go there all my life! I grew up reading old English books from when my mum or even when my grandma were little girls such as The Famous Five, or the Malory Towers books and I wanted to be in the places these stories were set in. On the other hand, that kind of a trip cost a lot of money, money that I could put towards tuition later on, and I would be going on this trip, the furthest and longest trip I’d ever taken without my parents. I am admittedly a “mummy’s girl” and the idea of going across the ocean without mum there to help me make decisions terrified me. I’d have to act like a *insert gasp* adult?!

I have always been scared to make decisions; I suppose it is an issue with always wanting to be in control of every aspect of something. Because I had just graduated from the school I had attended since kindergarten I think I was also in a bit of a rut, I had the place where I thought was safe and I did not want to leave it. When I was faced with the decision, my fear prompted me to simply back out and do it “another time” with the excuse of saving for school, and mid-December I phoned my grandparents and did just that. I told them that I needed to save for school and I would not be able to afford a trip to England. I cried through the whole phone call though I tried vainly to hold it in because I knew that I wanted to go but I was too afraid and I had convinced myself that I could not afford it.

At this point my parents stepped in and pointed out that I was backing out because I was afraid. My dad briefly walked through my accounts with me to prove I could afford it and in the end I was faced with the decision again. It was mid-January 2012 and I had to make a final call immediately or I would not get a flight. It was then I made the biggest and most terrifying decision I’ve ever made. I agreed to go and within twenty minutes we had booked my flights, there was no way out anymore, I was going to England!

Thus, on April 10, 2012 I was in Winnipeg Airport at seven in the morning heading to security with my grandparents while waving goodbye to my parents. I was still scared but I was excited and I knew I had made the right decision, I had not given into my fear and I was fulfilling a life-long dream. I had a phenomenal trip. I think I learned to converse more cohesively with adults rather than using lazy grammar and hanging on my parents’ answers and ideas. Without my parents around I had to make my own decisions, have my own opinions, and create my own answers to serious questions asked by my grandparents’ friends, I had to actually think for myself. Through this trip I believe I grew into my own person. Along with James Baldwin, the American novelist I can say, “I met a lot of people in Europe. I even encountered myself.”

While there I also got to meet up with my friend, Hannah, who I went to high school with and who had moved to England after graduation (her mum’s British) so I hadn’t seen her for almost a year. It was lovely to spend the day in London with her and see the sights, The Tower and Buckingham Palace, etc…

While I was away I made daily video blogs which are compiled on my youtube page linked here if you care to see them. I also took oodles of pictures which are on my facebook page in an album that I will link you to so you can see them even if you’re not my “facebook friend” (here)

Here’s a few of my favourite pics though!

With my friend Hannah at the Tower of London

With my friend Hannah at the Tower of London

Northern Countryside

Northern Countryside

Family photo at High Force Falls

Family photo at High Force Falls

Yorkminster

Yorkminster

And then of course, there’s the bluebell field that is the cover photo for this entire blog. We saw that on my last day in England (I left before my grandparents did and flew home alone, woohoo acted like an adult!) and it was just bluebells as far as the eye could see, prettiest thing I’ve ever seen!

Talk to you tomorrow!
-Becky

Having- wait, PATIENCE!?

I have trouble being patient, especially when someone is doing something and I feel that I could be doing it better or quicker, or, if only they did it my way, it would be working better. I’m also blessed with being able to pick new things up quite quickly which has been very useful at jobs because I’ve gotten fairly efficient at things within short amounts of time (such as memorizing the entire layout of a grocery store within two weeks of starting work there). This is great for me, but it means I have a hard time understanding why other people can’t do this.

I like to think that I know pretty much all there is to know about many things. I’m a know-it-all. In fact I feel that the way Professor McGonagall describes herself in a quote from A Very Potter Senior Year, describes me quite well too, “I consider myself to be a very reasonable uptight b***h.”

I find my patience tested daily to do with dealing with people being less efficient than I feel I would be in the same situation. Today it was a coworker at work who has similar work-ethic to my 15 year old brother. He did as little as possible, as slowly as possible, yet came out feeling as though he’d saved the world from certain disaster and had been crowned it’s king, yet was still under appreciated. This drives me bonkers; you can’t just say “I didn’t have time” when you know you did! Thing is, I’m not sure he realized he did have time. It’s kind of frustrating when someone buys into their own misguided delusions and then blames you doing your job as the reason the were incapable of completing their’s because no, just no. I feel slightly justified in this kind of impatience because the person causing it (for the most part) really ought to know better! What I do need to work on in this aspect is how I deal with my impatience, I tend to stray from being “very reasonable” to being simply an “uptight b***h” and that isn’t exactly a good way to get someone to improve their work-ethic!

I also find myself getting easily impatient with people who have a hard time picking up new things. This is one of the many reasons I would not make a good teacher! I am able to act like I’m oober patient while helping them but when I’m done I tend to go full on martyr because I’m obviously so much smarter than this person why should I even have to waste my time, I mean really, don’t we have minions to do things like this? This is one I need to crack done on hard. Just because I can doesn’t mean everyone can, and just because I can’t doesn’t mean no one can. I am not the be-all, end-all (thank goodness!!) Sometimes I find myself thinking scratching my eyes out might be fun when people ask me to explain the same basic thing over and over and over, but other times I can be in a really good mood and am all “Ooh I can help them, I am more knowledgable than them, I can pass on my vast knowledge to this poor uneducated little person…”. Neither of these methods are very good for being patient and I feel like I need a little gnome or something to follow me around and physically rap my knuckles when I’m getting prissy so that I get jolted back into reality.

The last place I find myself getting impatient, is the most standard impatience. Waiting. I am DOG-GONE AWFUL at waiting. Waiting for buses, waiting for rides, waiting for certain events to arrive. I am SOOOO BAD! I find myself feeling that physical anger you sometimes feel in your chest where it gets all tight and you’re just full of this anger because why is this happening to you of all people!? when I’m waiting for the bus. I mean really? Or when I’m waiting for a parent to pick me up after work (because I can’t drive, we only have one car, and the bus routes near my house are all but non-existant).

I just need to chill out sometimes and realize life is not about getting places as fast as possible. I mean, ask my friends, I walk like a machine! I’m kinda proud but also slightly concerned that I can walk a forty minutes circuit around my neighbourhood in twenty-five without slowing my pace. And that’s my “normal” walking pace. My coworkers joke that I always walk like I’m on a mission. I need to learn to stop, slowdown, and smell the daisies… and none of this excuses me being impatient, impatience is not a good thing in any situation, in fact when I get impatient about something I find it kinda ruins my whole day, I just see everything tinted with ugly and angry and I find myself allowing my day to get ruined because my bus was running a couple minutes behind because of this, like, blizzard or something that happened the night before because obviously buses should be super-vehicles that are not slowed by any of the elements! Impatience makes me unreasonable and I don’t appreciate it.

Message for myself next time I’m being impatient:

Calm the crazy down!
Calm the crazy down!