The Need of Internet

I don’t need the Internet anymore.

Now there are a couple things in this sentence you could confront me on, first, need – who needs the Internet? But also anymore – so I did need it then? And what changed?

I’m reading a book for my Media and Society class right now called The Digital Invasion: How Technology is Shaping You and Your Relationships and it’s sort of freaking me out a tad but I think I’m also learning lots. It talks about Internet addiction and how it affects our brains and how we function and how it changes our relationships (for better and for worse, it’s not a doomsday book, they acknowledge that there are benefits!) but it’s making me consider how much I use the Internet and social media and why.

I began using the Internet more and more starting from around age seventeen. A friend introduced me to the vlogger (video-blogger) side of Youtube and within a few months I was vlogging myself. At this time I was in grade twelve and slowly giving into minor depression as I grew increasingly afraid of my unknown future and saw my friends all drifting into the great unknown. I felt that I was losing my friends, didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life, didn’t like my part time job at a grocery store post-grad (I would “entertain” myself by seeing how far into a shift I could get without talking to someone. I clearly wasn’t a cashier!) and wasn’t pushing into God and building my faith thus allowing that to drift away too. I was lonely.

And the Internet, oh the Internet! The Internet helped me find friends, find friends fast and who had common interests and fun hobbies. I had Facebook, and now Youtube, next was Twitter and Tumblr, more and more ways to connect with my new friends. Now I’m not bashing this because it actually served a purpose in where I was at because as I somewhat dissolved into “living in” the Internet, it also helped bring me back out. I went to a convention in California, meeting friends I’d only previously known online. I’ve since gone on a second trip to DisneyWorld with them. I began organizing meet ups in Winnipeg a couple times a year for other people who were fans of some of the same Youtubers as I was.

"Nerdfighter" meet-up 2012

“Winnipeg Nerdfighter” meet-up 2012

"Nerdfighter" meet-up 2013

“Winnipeg Nerdfighter” meet-up 2013

The Internet sucked me in, yes. I became too reliant on it, yes. But it also helped me grow, a lot. I planned my portion of two trips out of the country and then travelled there alone. I organized meet-ups with people I’d never met before and spent time getting to know them. As I found solace online I began to gain more confidence in my real life outside of the Internet. I made friends with coworkers, I reconnected with high school friends, I figured out what I wanted to do with my life. As I gained a few subscribers on Youtube I began to value my voice and think about what I was saying more and through vlogging I actually developed an interest and some practical skill in video making, an aspect of what I hope my future career will involve.

Lately the Internet hasn’t been very fulfilling though. It’s no longer serving the purpose it once did and I think perhaps I’ve outgrown it. It’s not that I don’t value the friendships I made while regularly vlogging or even regularly watching Youtube videos – I do, very much, I would consider many of them to now be friends, but I no longer solely need the Internet to feel that I am connecting with people and being heard. I begin to find it tiresome, Internet connections cannot interact the same way as people in real life. I have friends and hobbies and goals and a life that extends past the limitations of my laptop and my wifi. I can appreciate the ability to stay connected using social media and the like, but I prefer to see friends in person and actually go out and to things and build relationships in that sense. And that’s a big change for me. There was a time when I would Facebook message you instead of trying to get together in person. Now, well… now I’ll do both 😉

I suppose over the last five years I’ve been able to mature and get to know myself better. I’ve experienced life online, and it’s fun for a time and serves its purpose, but I’ve discovered it’s crucially important to maintain a solid foundation in the real world. To be able connect with people in person is something that cannot be replaced and it is only through the challenges and bumps that we face along the road that we can grow, and those are rarely found within the safe walls we build up for ourselves online. Online is a place to hide from challenges and bumps, however, in the sage words of The Sound of Music‘s Reverend Mother, “These walls were not built to shut out problems. You have to face them. You have to live the life you were born to live.”

-B

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Not too much, not too little.

Today I slept.

and slept.

and slept.

and slept.

and slept.

it’s reading break see…

so I slept.

and had a nap.

and slept some more.

This week is gonna be great.

-B

Learning to Grow

Two things today:

I’m learning to pray, “Not what I think Lord, but what you know.”

And I’m taking encouragement from Psalm 32:8, “I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my eye upon you.”

-B

Those Acting Things

Today in acting class we did those acting class things. We acted out candles melting, dolphins stuck in nets, swimming through marshmallows. I’m not very good at doing things that make me feel like a fool when there’s not a clear reason, but it is easier when you’re in a room full of people also doing it. We were doing it because we were focusing on movement and acting actions. How would you act differently when acting walking through a field of grass verses walking through a field of corn? You change how you move your legs, you involve your arms, you’re using your hands to push corn out of the way… Suddenly things are different that you may not have been entirely concious of before.

It was kinda weird, but interesting! =D

(Also I got 100% on my autodrama, yayy!)
-B

The Actor In Me

And now for your weekly The-Actor-In-Me update!

Today was a drama filled day (pun completely and utterly meant). The afternoon was our memory test for the play that I’m in. Now having only ever been in a drama club, we never had a memory test before we started blocking, we always were blocking as we memorized. I see benefits to both for sure, but this being a new experience I was a little nervous. I may have definitely sacrificed my midterm grade in another class focusing on memorizing scripts instead of studying enough but I think I can pull the grade back up in the rest of the term.

So we did the memory test. I think I did pretty well, I definitely need to polish it a lot more, but I have most of it down pretty well. After the memory test we got into blocking. In past plays I’ve been in the director has always just told us where they want us to be, what motions they want us to do, how they want us to stand. In this play we have much more creative licsense. I’m feeling a bit like a bird who grew up locked in a cage and now isn’t sure how to leave the cage even though the door is open. I get to have a major say in how my character acts! I get to choose (to then be director-approved of course) how my character is moving and behaving. It’s a creative freedom I’ve never had so I’m a little shy in acting on it… I think I’ll be able to get bolder as I get used to the idea. It’s gonna be a really fun play though, in blocking today I was loudly and rather shrilly yelling/talking/something right in someones face. Like literally inches from face so that was rather new, kinda fun!

Then this evening in my actual acting class we performed our autodramas. We had to write the five minute autodramas ourselves (of course, hense the auto-) and then perform them for the class using whatever props and stuff we needed. Mine was about how the song “Do You Hear What I Hear?” has effected my public speaking/performance abilities. I like to think it was a bit amusing… I may make a video of it in the semi-near future as I haven’t made a video in over a month and I already have it memorized. We’ll see. Maybe I’ll wait til I get my mark back ;D

It was really fun to see everyone else’s autodramas too though, some people were super personal about heavier stuff and some people got more into light-hearted fun stuff, but everyone’s was super good! I like this class.

Talk to you tomorrow!
-B

Mornings

Morning is an important time of day, because how you spend your morning can often tell you what kind of day you are going to have.
– Lemony Snicket, The Miserable Mill

Maybe I should spend more attention to my mornings…

-B

INTERN REUNION

We couldn’t stand to be apart for so long so we got together to hang out for an evening =D

My buddies-ol-pals from internship this past year B, D, and J and I got together this evening because it’d been nearly two months now and the time had come. We went over to J’s house and had supper and chatted and suuuuper abruptly it started pouring outside. Like torrential downpour. It had looked stormy before but it went from dry to WET instantaneously. So naturally we all ran onto the balcony to oggle at the rain and D said, We should go to BDI because the rain will make the line really short!! (BDI – Bridge Drive-In, Ice-cream parlour/stand by a bridge across the river. Outdoor line-up, rain will clear the line out) So gang-ho we all agreed and grabbed shoes and purses and emergency rain ponchos! (well, only one of those, and yes, someone actually wore it). We dashed down to the car and B and D were going to run out to B’s car to grab something but they spent so long in the doorway taking a picture of B in the poncho that the rain stopped and they didn’t need it any more…

So we all piled into J’s car and trucked off to BDI. Though it rained a little on the way there, thankfully it didn’t rain at all while we were at BDI! We all got dip cones of various flavours and headed across the bridge, like you do. I took a picture of us, I am a dedicated blogger:

Public selfie = dedication

Public selfie = dedication

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So we crossed the bridge and strolled through the neighbourhood on the other side. There were some super nice houses there! A lot of them actually reminded me of England and now I really want to go back there… But in front of one house was a little mini free lending library!

IMG_5340Isn’t it cuuute? =D

So eventually we wandered back full circle and were heading back over the bridge when I remembered my walking-across-bridges-that-go-over-flowing-water tradition! Poohsticks! (Don’t know what Poohsticks is? Click here…) So I convinced the others that although we were in public Poohsticks must be a thing that happened! So we got our sticks and positioned ourselves on the bridge

IMG_5342We counted to three and tossed our sticks! I think D won, I lost… I chose the largest stick, smart people chose small, buoyant ones… ;D

We then trucked back to J’s place and it was TIME FOR COOKIES! D had bought me a kit for Christmas that was to make “Ugly Christmas Sweaters” and I hadn’t used it during internship so I’d been saving it until we all got together again. Today was that day!

I mixed that dough, rolled it out, cut out the cookies, baked them, mixed the icings and brought them along with me so we could have a snack/craft =D

I had extra dough so I made a Christmas blob =D

I had extra dough so I made a Christmas blob =D

B icing her sweater in plaid

B icing her sweater in plaid

D applying decorations with great care

D applying decorations with great care

J meticulously icing his sweater

J meticulously icing his sweater

D's sweater

D’s sweater

My sweater

My sweater

B's sweater

B’s sweater

J's sweater

J’s sweater

And with my second sweater I won the ugliest sweater contest =D

And with my second sweater I won the ugliest sweater contest =D

Post decorating and eating we decided to watch a movie (I know, we fit a lot into one evening!), so we watched Now You See Me (2013) and it is a really good movie! It’s kind of a triller type movie with almost an Oceans feel to it… It’s super!! =D

 

Aaand after the movie we went our separate ways… It was nice to be back together again. We realized when we’re apart we bottle up our sarcasm and then when we’re together again we’re all craaazy sarcastic and hilarious. At least we think we’re pretty hilarious…

Anyway, great evening, fun stuff, good snacks, passable company, GREAT movie, ya know, the norm… 😉

-B